THOUGHTS

Random News/Thoughts

Reading Anansi Boys, finally. Am at the halfway point. It’s been a fun read so far, and meaningful even. I think it’s better than American Gods.

Thanks to my dear friends for introducing me to really interesting shows: Ann for getting me hooked on House, Inna for introducing me to Miami Ink, and Noel for telling me about Entourage. They’ve been really interesting shows and I plan to watch them every now and then, when there isn’t too much to do.

Still not over “23”. Still can’t believe that some of my dreams are becoming a reality. Still can’t believe I’m 20 pounds lighter. Still can’t believe that I can wear small or medium now. Still haven’t got my non-pro license. Still haven’t got my passport fixed. Still finding the right guitar strap. Still finding that elusive “23” button for the right guitar strap. Shit, I still haven’t had a bath. Ugh, I’m still a lazy ass.

Because of the recent weight loss episode, I’ve become a shopaholic. Yikes. I hope that doesn’t sound too gay.

Questions in my head: Am I still capable of a mammoth food trip now that I’ve gotten used to eating so much less than before? Can I still properly parallel park and get out of it unscathed? Can I still drive long distances? Can I possible reduce my smoking to unheard of levels of control on my part? Will I ever be able to sing and not sound sucky or bad at the same time? Can I stay awake and finish this post without any typos?

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I know I am not. But parting ways is such a bittersweet thing, knowing there is tomorrow or the weekend or the next month or year to look forward to, yet painful enough to let you go for just a brief moment. Words cannot put to justice what I feel when I kiss you good night or good bye, or let go of your hand, or you letting go of my arm, or watching you walk away and fade away into the distance. The closest thing to describing it is a collision of longing for you and not wanting to let you go away and relief for I am giving you the rest and the time for you to go back to your own life, to be who you are to the people around you, the other important parts of your life.

Yes, you do leave me alone, yet I choose not to be.

I keep you here in my mind and in my heart. Every few moments, I make you mine, recalling the flutter of your eyes, the warmth and homey feeling of your palms, the welcome that your smile brings and the gaze that makes me feel worthy of being part of this world, your life…

I do the things that I want. I still am the same. But what drives me more now is the possibility of you and me, the now part because I am here for you, to have and to hold, to love and to own. I am physically alone, but inside, I am not because you’re always there, behind every inspired word, the force that keeps me going on and on…

I am alone and not at the same time. I am here and somewhere else now, wherever you are, most likely.

Because even when you leave me here, part of me chooses to be with you.

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Anyway, sleepy. Will try again later. See you all!

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