Two things that make me write are inspiration and desperation.
Sometimes, I churn out better material when I feel the latter. Why? Maybe because feeling pain and the body’s reaction to pain releases chemicals that makes one head spin and tumble like a dryer with all sorts of thoughts coming from all sorts of places (hence the line ‘where did that come from?’)
Sometimes too, I come up with great material when I feel inspired. Highs give me great reason to be thankful and to write about being grateful, expressing how much I don’t deserve such emotions and blessings but get them anyway.
Maybe you’d ask why desperation? Like I’ve said before, I feel like I don’t have all the time in the world like most people. Most of us in this life think that time is ticking upwards, that there’s a lot of it. In my case, life is a countdown where every second is approaching zero hour and when the clock strikes zero, that’s it – the end. That is why I mostly think of now than tomorrow, and if ever I do think about tomorrow, it’s not for myself and I do everything in my power to live until that day. If not, then I guess I’ll accept whatever explanation that mortality can offer and if I get to see that day in the future, I can only be thankful that I lived up to that day and got to do what I set out to do.
There is something about thinking about endings that makes us put our lives into perspective. Maybe because it makes us cherish what we’ve lived for and wanted to live further for. Maybe it makes us appreciate better what has happened before the end and even though we struggle to remember everything in between, we find ourselves much more thankful when we see the clock ticking down to it’s last few hours, the end staring us in the face.
Anyways, I’m not making sense, but I am always thankful for what I’ve gone through in my life, the people I’ve shared it with and the people I’ve loved. I’ve spent so much time in this world trying to be the person that I could be and I’m glad that people close to me accepted what I had to offer somewhat.
We don’t have to wait till zero hour to let our lives flash back before our eyes. Sometimes, taking a look back every now and then will make us realize how lucky we really hour that the clock is still ticking, and that there’s a little bit of time left to do something about it.