all saints day

the last time i went through loss and bereavement, it was for losing a grandparent. it’s tough, but at the very least, you kind of digest it a bit more immediately as a fact of life, especially as they grow older.

this year, it’s tougher. it’s tougher when you lose someone closer to you. it’s tougher when you don’t expect it. it’s tougher because even though your mind and heart tells you that given the illness she suffered, she’s in a better place now.

but it’s hard. it’s hard when you’ve got so much to share. it’s hard when you’ve realized so many things, but you can’t apply what you’ve learned because it’s too late.

i think i’ve been able to move on from the fact that you’re no longer with us dear sister. the only thing i really haven’t been able to get over is wishing that you were here for all the good things that has happened since then – i know you are, quietly watching over us, we may not feel or notice it, but i know you do. i know that every good thing we got going for all of us is you letting us know that you’ve got our backs, things like that.

i miss you, anna.

we remember you today, but frankly, we don’t need a day like today to remember. we think of you a lot. on good days to smile and laugh about and celebrate. on bad days to forget and just know that we’re not alone in having bad days.

“she is dead. you are alive. so live.”

easier said than done, Morpheus. But i’ll keep trying.

+++

P.S. – I decided to make things a little brighter in here. Anyway. Not like anyone would notice.

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