nearly three years.

this has been the longest stretch i’ve been away from home. away from family. away from friends. away from the land of my birth, where I lived for 36 years before going away.

in some aspects, home has changed a lot. so many new places that were not there when we left. in all other aspects, things were either the same or worse.

it’s funny how people in our nation clamor for change, but refuse to change. a whole lot still break simple rules but whine when caught and asked to pay the price for disobedience. how ignoring simple rules is okay when no one is looking. how common decency is violated because of a continued focus on self than the greater good. how easily people can blame us those who leave seeking a much more manageable way of life than just accepting what those with money and power afford to those of us who have neither.

all i really hoped to come back to after keeping up with current events (to some extent) was for people to rally behind their choice of leader. now we are almost halfway through his term and here we are, still fighting the same battles, calling for the same heads to roll for some failure of oversight and the touted coming change remains in the ‘coming’ state.

i’ll always love my nation for being born here. i’ll always love the land, and those who i love left behind here. but as much as i don’t want to lose all hope, i don’t trust the people here anymore when they can’t even peddle something free as hope, discipline and love for country.

In Memoriam

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1981 – 2018

Only a few days back, we found out you were ill. And now, you’ve left us. It’s heartbreaking, but this is the reality of life. Goodbye, my sister.

Forgive us for not having the strength to fix everything that was wrong. Forgive us for failing you, for we, as your family, should have done so many things to make things right. I’m sorry we never got that chance, but now, all the pains and the aches that this world and this life has will no longer touch you.

I don’t know what else to say. You lived your life the way you wanted it, on your own terms and for your own reasons. I can’t say I understood completely, but I hope you felt how much I respected your individuality, your uniqueness because those were the only reasons why I didn’t do anything. Live and let live. That’s how I would have wanted it for me as well, and I guess, in a way, knowing that led me to my inaction/acceptance of your reasons.

I’ll always remember two moments – the first was when we watched Moulin Rouge together at our old house, in the wee hours of the morning, on cable TV. Our TV was like, 14 inch and the image was a bit grainy (pre-HDTV cable, duh) – and we were both in tears. At that time, we didn’t really shed a tear together for what happened to our family, yet here we were, bawling our eyes out over Satine and Christian. We probably both had our hearts broken that way then and we didn’t need words to figure out that we understood each other, how it was to have loved and lost.

The second was when I lined up to have my favorite graphic novels signed by Neil Gaiman in Gateway Mall. I was a stranger to this part of Cubao, and I was in the 8th hour of lining up, and I was hungry and in dire need to go to the rest room. I didn’t want to leave my spot in the line because I knew no one would vouch for me that I was already in line. I don’t remember how I was able to reach you to help but you came there, called me crazy and stood in line for me so I can pee. You got me something to eat and you helped me get to the end, and I got what I came for, a moment I’ll never forget because this book helped me through, at that time, was my darkest days. And we celebrated afterward – dinner, conversation, you teased me about how crazy I am for this and on and on. You saved me that day.

And today I find out that you’ve been battling this illness for three years. We did not have a clue. You fought this on your own, not even your closest of friends knew. We will never know fully why, but something tells me you did it this way to save us – you chose this exact moment to tell us and this exact moment to leave us because you wanted to us to feel only a flash of pain, instead of prolonged, “we’ll suffer with you” mindset. An imitation of Christ, which was exactly what He wants us to do on a daily basis. I admire you because you did that, without hesitation. I’ve never seen anyone be as selfless become misunderstood as selfish (I’ve heard some people see it that way and I’ve told them my take, so I hope they change their minds) and still do things the way just as she sees it fit. I admire you for it, and how prepared your bereaved family was and how they took it.

I’m sorry we weren’t able to get home in time to say goodbye, but I am relieved that we got to talk twice before you went away for good. That I got to say I love you and you heard it and you acknowledged it. That I got to hear your voice. I wish I could hold you or hug you one last time, and for that I cry, and I hurt. It’s gonna hurt a while.

Good night, my sister.

back at it.

so many reasons not to do this anymore, but only one really good one to do so – i have decided to turn this into my #dtbd – a place for my thoughts about something new, something great, something exciting!

my instagram feed (instagram.com/johnnydulicious) will still be my main photoblog, and will soon be linking that to here via #IFTTT specifically via the #dtbd hashtag.

i know i’ve been silent here. if you’re still reading me, i don’t know if you’re in for a treat but there’s definitely some introspective stuff coming this year.


it’s been five months but i haven’t even had a slightest urge to update my blog. have i lost my internet voice? has life been that boring or busy that has caused me not to provide a single minute in the last five months to post even a single line?

no, no and no. i just think that ever since i’ve dabbled into and fallen in love with photoblogging, instagram was just the most logical choice to continue this journey. it was easier to find inspiration in photos, and use captions to post my reflections on the images i see.

also, this year has been one change after the other – a constant adjustment to deal with. not something unprecedented, but i never thought it’d be something i’d deal with again. nothing personal though, so it’s something that comes with the territory of working in the technology industry.

i can’t wait for the year to be over, so i can be pleasantly surprised by expecting the worst and then getting something better.

Posted from Instagram

“Pack yourself a toothbrush dear, pack yourself a favorite blouse. Take a withdrawal slip, take all of our savings out. Cause if we never leave this town, we might never make it out.” It has been two years since we left home and took on this challenge of moving across the Pacific. The road goes on, and it is waiting to be traveled on and so many uncertain things on the way to wherever we are going. But I’ll be fine as long as I’m with you @perpetuallybz
#lastsongsyndrome #sleeponthefloor #thelumineers (posted via Instagram) http://ift.tt/2rD46Uh